I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Randomize
