i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
