I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
