...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize