If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
