Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
