yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
