if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
