So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
