I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
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