It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
