What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
