I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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