You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
