With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
