i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
