It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Randomize
