My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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