Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize