Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
