belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Houston, we have a blender
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
