I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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