Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
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