2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
