Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
