I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Randomize
