True but thats because hes a fetus.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
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