I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
