My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Randomize
