So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
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