She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
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