If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize