how do flat chested girls get laid?
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Randomize
