literally had 100 drinks last night.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
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I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
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PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
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