and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
