I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
