Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
