you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Randomize
