alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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