He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
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I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
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My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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