So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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