I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
