Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Randomize