if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
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