Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
