I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
