its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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