apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
