they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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