I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
