it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
