So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
