My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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