he was CRYING into my vagina
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
