Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
