evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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