i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
