hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
someone owes me an orgasm
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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