Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Randomize
