you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
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