but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
