Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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