my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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