Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
