Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
