Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
